Why I am an admirer of wardrobe remixing:

As said before, I use to lurk around fotosites. And through my collecting of imagery I encountered the importance of tags. And there is one tag that especially caught my attention: “wardrobe remix”.
Out there is a bunch of creative girls and women who like to experiment with the clothes they have, take a photo of themselves and put it online then.
The point about that activity is that women depicting themselves in that manner, try to be stylish and neat and moreover, as if according to the feminist rule, they portrait themselves for each other, for a female audience and not primordially for sex oriented male's interest. So all the cheap blond bikini-flics are missing in this category, being only one advantege more.
Especially for one degraded guy like I am, this is what it has to be: a type of woman you desire. But which you will never get.
The untouchable woman!

Continuous working on the subject pays out...

Now i have a formula for the relation:
A hangwoman is the anti-mother. She is extincting life just as much as a mother gives birth to it.
The hangee is not a subject in her eye, he is an object, and she is handeling it.

Path of honesty

Another topic i have been suppressing... lately.
The role of the drug.
All the time it has been something for me to directly access my dark desires. Which are with me all the time. But which are covered in some way, i do not really understand.
But recently, the drug doesnt open anything anymore. The soft haze doesnt convey any special atmosphere anymore.
And now i think, probably it's that the drug can no longer keep open the gate which probably would have been closed already.
So how proceeding.
Cleaning up.
And walking along.
Will it be this way...?

Recent developments, continued...

I have been mobbed recently by female collegues.
"Who wonders?" one might think by onesself reading this and heaving in mind past stuff. And that might be actually right. It's probably that I am especially sensible for such gradients of power. Probably manoeuver into it just by myself.
But it's not what i want to talk about (nonetheless probably should do later on)...

The experience of being degraded by women, getting to feel their collective feminine power, just re-triggered my recently lost sexual desire for terminal submisson. To be erotically asphyxiated, practically meaning: auto-erotically asphyxiated, to write it down!

Moreover what I have already confessed so far, keeps on working inside me, changing me somehow. I only dont know yet into which direction.
Nevertheless what i wrote down in that regard isn't something i wasn't aware of already. I knew quite well about it, probably all my concious life long. But i kept it to myself.
But that writing it out into the anonymous internet actually mattered to me is quite a surprise.

By the way...
It's anniversery time just once more.
Hope you enjoyed it so far. To those who commented, wrote emails or i had the fun to chat with: Thank You for your fair words.

A Confession

I wrote on earlier occasions about how I am doing it. But i have been omitting to express why i am doing it.
That is why before being forced to go off from the grip of the tight noose i am going to write down the following confession:

It is that I am an inferior being and my life is of no particular quality or worth. That's why I am constantly avoiding getting near people, to not interfere with their procurements. And that's why I willingly submit to their will in case there is no way sparing them from busying themselves with my presence.
And that's how I could lead a devoted and humble life.
If I only wasn't male.

Since I am, I am haunted by sexual arousal when seeing beautiful women. As much as this is a desirable quality of real men, one suggested to be expressed openly, it is just as much inappropriate for a repulsive creature like the one I actually am.
Naturally the sexual urge is much more powerful as my weak personality, trying to keep the former down.
This is how I am loading up guilt on me. Because I cannot avoid the sexual tone of my stare, even when it is caught caught by the female's look.

But I want to be a good boy! Not that slithery wretch stalking the paths left behind from women annoyed with his proximity.
To pure myself from those bad desires, they are to be distorted in a way so that in the end they reflect content and ideas towards women that are suitable for creatures like me.

Evidently such images may never be those of penetration! Or sexual intercourse of any kind!
It has to be a exemplary way a woman might engage herself in me!
It cannot be other than that of correction!

So which correctional means are applicable in such a case?
First it has to comply to the intention of the measure. And that is of course ultimately ending any further obstruction.
As my offence originates in my sex, in me being male, there is no way in addressing my reason. A purely physical disposition can only be treated by physical means. Swift, there is no other way than physically extinction of my manhood, and that means, terminating my existence.
Moreover it is preferable for a such correctional measure to be carried out in a way that reveals its background, the reason it is applied for. (A fact earlier times jurisdiction was still aware of.)
And what other means of execution would be more suitable under above described circumstances than hanging by the neck? The helpless struggling from the end of a noose displaying at once the physical origin, as well as the reason (that is immeasurable superiority of the desired female over the inferior male).
The commonly observed death erection additionally underlining the sexual nature of the offence.

It has become time now to finally act...

I built up a virtual identity...

You can find me on Youtube, you can read from me on Assoziationsblaster, and of course here: Dolcettish.
Digging deep down in the dark side of my personality, I bring up what has been lying there hidden. I do this too in a mere virtual manner.
There's nobody out there I know physically, or who I met from face to face.
But who I am must definitely stay hidden.
It is a virtual community I am navigating through.
And it isnt.

But may I do the decisive step one day?

Why I am put on by the sight of female feet in ballerina mary janes...

As it just happened: I see a girl wearing yellow Lacoste Antibes.
I state the growing sexual arousal, the need for me licking the soft leather covering her restless toes.
That's when i realize i must not do this under any circumstance, she would never tolerate that.
And that i should better be punished mercilessly for my wanting to.
I know the sling being the only answer. Nevertheless I hesitate.
Sedating myself with the drug and scribblings like the present one.

But why is it only mary janes are pushing my desires? Why not any other type of shoe, why them?
A mere rhetorical question....
Because i know it already, i can feel it , since i can read it from their shape, from its impact on my flesh! So first of all: this style combines athletic attitude with superior female elegance. One might say that beeing the one essence of ballerina type shoes/slippers.

Mary Janes now are thought to originally be girls shoes. How to explain that? Anyway they convey some sort of decent elegance, contrasting with the oppulence of some lets say highheel pumps. It's the nearly incidental expression of femininity, It's not focused on it, it's casual (behold that word!).
As if it never came to minds of women wearing them, that a deviant one like me could be aroused by viewing them. And of course they're well aware of that only pretending not to be. And now that's the essence of modern mary janes's shape.

But lets delve somewhat deeper into the meaning of mary janes slippers. In ballerina style ones, the only thing that distinguishes them from plain ballerinas is that one strap running from one side to the other, and by that crossing the alignment of protuberant female sinews. It's like to appease the energy flowing along female feet. The more, in most cases the strap is flexible - technically to ease putting on, but in reality - to abut on female's feet forms, to conform to their aspiration, snuggling to their orientation, while symbolically (and only symbolically) trying to hold it down; as a mere allusion.

It's because the shape of the ballerina mary jane underlines female self-determination, which by the way prohibits my inferior wanting. Even by humbly licking her ballerina covered feet clean, i shall never attain her liking nor only her attentiveness.

Voilà the inner logic of my shoe-fetishism!
Now is that an answer???

2 Years of Praying to the Hangwoman...

... and still she didnt come for me!

And neither did they...
They didnt even cancel the account.
Or delete the content.
Or at least send me a warning... anything...
I must admit it: I'm honestly surprised!

The reason why I started this blog was to express my pathetic sex drive, becoming yet another weirdo to spam the net with all his dammed up frustration from his depraved desires not beeing satisfied. Even if I polished this blog up a bit lately, put on positive content, joined the community and so on, it's my personal piteousness which is giving the base of my activity here.
And I wont deny it...
No, I'm prowd of it!
Its what i've declared from the beginning!
And I wont stop!



Furthermore it has been a real conent-related concern, i started this blog for. There's really lots of asphyx-related stuff on the internet, communities, chats, pics, manips, videos... anything....
But - although things may have changed slightly - it's basicly about guys who do the dirty work, and girls enjoying the suffering. Try to look for women to string up their worshippers: Nothing, Rien, Niente, Nada, Nix! There have been some approaches (like The Female Executioners group on Yahoo), but if you see or read about guys hung well, its mainly gay content (which is interesting too, but simply not arousing if you're hetero).
As there has been not much, i decided to start something myself, put together the sparse material from the net and so on.
As already mentioned, things have changed a bit lately, it's no longer impossible to meet people with this special kind of orientation.
I really am glad about that, and beeing a part of it.

Finally a cultural notice: the blog orginally in German only, has gradually switched to English as main posting language. I tried to keep up bilingual blogging for some time but it turned out much to complicated (had an english journal, which i deleted meanwhile).
I always wanted this blog to be internationally readable. And yes i am able to write in English, but simply put it's much more easier to express oneself in your mother-language. So I will keep stories and some other texts in German, but try to write more english.

And to return to the beginning of this post: i always hoped using german spared me from the watchfull eyes of online voce-squads.
At least gradually...
I hope beeing wrong in my paranoia...

That's all for the anniversery!
Finally, I would really be glad reading something from you!

Ein Anblick, der sich in meine Erinnerung eingefressen hat

Eine Dame der Oberschicht in einem Theatercafe:
Sie hat kurze graue Haare, die temperamentvoll frisiert sind.
Ihre Haut ist sorgsvältig gepflegt.
Die Krähenfüßchen zieselieren Muster um ihre Augenpartien, wie kunstvolle Verzierungen.
Ihr schwarzes dünnes, jedoch in eine steife Form gebrachtes Oberteil unterstreicht ihr Reife und Eleganz.

Und dann ist ihr Rock so knapp!
Dass einem der Blick entlang ihrer Beine hinabgleitet, über die sie weit offen stehende Netzstrümpfe gezogen hat.
Und ihre Füße stecken in weichen schwarzen Ballerinas.
Vom Unterleib aus abwärts strahlt sie ein so junggebliebenes Verlangen!
Als wäre sie zwazig, bestenfalls 25.

Nun, was ich mich ständig fragen muss: was von beidem sich nur in ihrer Leibmitte durchsetzen wird?
An jener Stelle, an dem die stoische Reife auf die frisch gebliebene Antriebskraft stößt...
Was sie wohl privat so mit ihrem Ehemann treibt, der so weich und gefügig wirkt?

Und unwillentlich muss ich davon tagträumen, dass eine destruktive Verformung ihrer Lustgewinnung in Gang kommt!
Ach ihr schalen Träume, ihr!


entbehrliche Randnotiz:
Vergangene Woche habe ich das Gewicht meines Körpers zweimal der Schlinge übergeben.
Das ist etwas viel...
Aber schon gut so!

U-Turn

Die Droge mach dich an wie eine Glühbirne!
Eine von den diesen Frauen, an denen du täglich vorbei läufst...
Wäre sie doch nur bei dir, so ganz plötzlich!
Und es bräuchte nur einen horizontalen Balken, über den Sie die Kordel lüpft,
dir dann die Schlinge über den Kopf zieht, und dich dann in die Höhe zerrt.

Dabei mag sie dich ja,
sonst wäre sie gar nicht hier!
Aber was sie an dir mag ist nicht deine Existenz,
sondern dein qualvoller Abgang.
Sie ist verzückt von deinen nackten Beinen.
Aber nicht etwa, weil die so reizvoll anzusehen sind,
sondern weil es der Anblick deines hilflosen Gezappels ist,
an dem sie sich weidet.

Von der harten Schlinge gewürgt,
gibt dein entblößter Leib alles,
aufgeknüpft wie ein Hähnchen, gehst du ab wie ein Karnickel.
Aber das Getier hat ihr schon längst nicht mehr gelangt.
Glasig aufquellende Mannsaugen, blau angelaufene Gesichter,
das ist es was sie noch scharf machen kann.

Und irgendwann wird ihr Feuer ganz erloschen sein,
und sie wird sie sich einen neben den anderen knüpfen,
wie nasse Höschen an eine Wäscheleine,
ohne davon noch gestillt zu werden.
Was sie nur noch unerbittlicher macht.

Noch vermag der Anblick, Du!, wie du erbärmlich abgehst, sie zu besänftigen.
Aber du konntest die Enttäuschung in ihrem Auge feststellen,
schon als sie deinen zuckenden Leib in die Höhe zurrte.
Du wardst schon abgeschrieben, noch bevor dein konvulsivisches Fleisch den Gipfelpunkt seines Seinssinnes überschritten hatte, dein geopfertes Leben, schon im Ansatz vergebens.
Lebendig schon so anrüchig wie ein Kadaver.

Während ihre Gegenwart dein Dasein ganz betrifft,
bist du für sie nicht mehr als ein Zählstrichlein nebst des nächtlichen Journaleintrags.
Während du dich ihr als ganz hingabst,
verstattete sie dir jegliche Berührung, jegliche Nähe.
Du durftest nicht mehr als von Distanz sie zu bewundern.
Und mithilfe der Schlinge hat sie die Distanz zwischen eurem Fleisch absolut gemacht.
Ein hochreaktiver Vorgang, der dich geschwind verbraucht haben wird,
der dir aber während einen kurzen Augenblick lang eine Bedeutung in Aussicht stellt,
zumindest für die Dauer deiner Agonie...
Ach, wenn sie einer weiteren Nummer auch nur noch das Geringste abgewinnen vermochte!

Aber stattdessen ist auch dein Abgehen nur mehr Enttäuschung,
bist du nur Verschwendung,
verächtlich weggewischt,
wie das Ejakulat, das dein krepierender Leib im Moment des Todes abgesondert hat,
der dann schlaff um die eigene Achse schlingert

Anhaltendes Schweigen

Es ist viel Zeit vergangen.
Während der du nicht gepostet hast.
Warst du in dieser Zeit denn abstinent?

War ich die vergangene Zeit abstinent?

Ja und Nein...
Es war wie der Schlaf, der vieles zudeckt.
Ich war nicht aktiv! Teils, weil ich nicht die Energie aufgebracht habe, etwas zu produzieren.
Aber es hat sich in meinem Kopf fortgesetzt.
Auf Sparflamme sozusagen.
Ich will dieses Blog aber auch nicht auslaufen lassen.

Im wirklichen Leben bedarf es auch nicht notwendigerweiße nur der Schlinge.
Es gibt auch subtilere Empfingungen.

Es reicht zum Beispiel auch schon,
wenn sie mich in ihrer Hand hat.
Und sie dabei nichts als zärtlich ist.
Das allein ist oft schon sehr überwältigend.
Es muss gar nichts Gewalttätiges sein.
Aber es kann auch sein...
Das ist gut so...

Pure Theory

...but it isn't because of yourself - the one being you are - she wants you to dangle.
But for you being a male, because of your winky. Your threatening virility, which she wants never to have come in act. Your sexuality, which she sentences you for, which she is chastising you for, which she drags you into the gallows' shadow for.
It's positively a sexual reason, she strings you up for. It's a sexual act: your execution. That you coming is a part of. Since you're male.
No matter how much you deny it, try to act unmanly...
You can't be not male!
And that's why you must cease to be, since you were male.
For only by your exital ejaculation can it be assured, that all maleness is drawn off you. That is inquisitions' holy justice!
Only by violent death you shall be saved.

By all the important role this is playing for you (since it's you to be dangling), it is nevertheless fact, that in reality you're not even capable to a sexual expression of your maleness. That you are unmanly, always was, and at no time not wanted to be; since you've been making an afford in suppressing any such statement...
No, your punishment shall take place representative for any man, you shall atone on their place. Because you are seizable for female hands, because they have access to you, simply because they can do it to you. Besides letting everyone else proceed.
You're no more than a pawn being sacrificed in the match of sexes, not worth the weight your meat puts on the scale.

And to be honest:
Isn't that the hidden script behind all your friendships with women?
Come on! Admit it simply!
Try honesty!


Good boy...!