Urge...

I am lying on my couch idly, when i suddenly feel the void.

It starts with my neck, that itches along a circle, where a noose should be placed.
And then the void is creeping down my spine, spreading into my limbs, slides under my skin, until it is everywhere.
And i am enriched by the void, by the knowledge, the complete realization of my worthlessness.

My mere existing is tort:
1) I am a deficiency, that is to be wiped out,
2) furthermore, i deserve to be punished.

Slow death in the noose is the answer, the appropriate method to meet both requirements.