Change

I became fascinated for the noose when I secretly fell in love for my high school teacher. She was formal and strict, but I had her sympathy.
That's why I fell in love for her.
First I didn't want to be hanged by her it all. I wanted sex from her, I wanted a romantic relationship with her.
But I had no right to desire that.
First of all, she was kind of ugly. There were quite some sexy lady teachers in our class, but it was her cold face and her skinny silhouette covered in formal clothes, that hooked up all my attention.
I was not normal, desiring her. It was just not appropriate. It made me a pervert.
And then I was only a boy, not able to act like a man, to conquer her like a man. No, I was even less, my personality was flawed, everyone tried to keep away from me.
How could I ever have dared to harass her with my distorted feelings?
She liked me for my performance in class, not for my personality. Revealing my desire to her could only repel her.
She would never ever answer my feelings!
I even would'nt be enough to serve her as submissive sex-slave! Kneeling in front of her, licking her shoes, being used by her at will.
The only way for her to engage with me could only be applying swift punishment. To be, how I was made me unresponsive to any corrective measure. So the only applicable mean could be ending my perverted existence. And stringing me up might have just been the right thing. For its ritualistic staging, which couldn't be mistaken for plain murder.
By hanging me she would conclude my destiny, liberating me from a nonviable life.

Thats about my motivational chain, as stringent as i am able to describe it.

The path of honesty is hereby reopened!